How To Talk To Your Daughter About Puberty and Sex

I will never forget a dear friend telling me a couple of years ago that her daughter asked her if people hump. (They have a lot of animals, and she had seen the guinea pigs doing it.)

I was mortified, and I silently prayed that her daughter would not share this bit of juicy info with my daughter. She never did, but the inevitable happened eventually anyway.

I’ve mentioned before about the wonderful conversations we have at bedtime, in the dark of the night. It’s like my girls’ inhibitions go out with the lights.

A few years ago, after Allie was already asleep, 10-year-old Grace whispered, “Mom?”

“Yes, Grace?”

“I saw a bad word in a magazine. Can you tell me what it means?”

“Of course, Grace. What was it?”

“I don’t want to say it. Can I just spell it?”

“Yes baby.”

“S-E-X. What does that mean?”

I died. She was only 10!

Plus, I was uncomfortable talking about sex with my husband let alone talking about it with my baby who was a toddler like 5 minutes ago. I felt a little sick.

When I returned to the land of the living, I was flooded with emotions. I tried to explain to her that sex is not a bad word, that it is something wonderful that God created for married people to enjoy together, and that it is how babies are made, but I am pretty sure I messed it all up.

Nary another word has been said about sex, but I think it is time to have the talk.

We have talked a bit with the pediatrician about puberty, about how she’s growing a lot taller and her body is changing. We’ve talked a bit about bras and hairs and deodorant. But not in a focused way, and not as much as she probably needs.

I am worried that her first period will be as traumatic for her as it was for me. Mine was super heavy and made a huge mess, and I didn’t want to talk to my mom about it because we’d never had any conversations about anything like that, ever! I don’t want that for my sweet Gracie.

I want better for my girl. I want to have an informed, comfortable conversation where I introduce the basics of puberty and sex to her in a casual, no big deal way. I want her to be comfortable talking to me about this stuff, even if I’m not comfortable at all.

It was about this time that I got an email from a blogger whose work I adore, Sheila Wray Gregoire. Sheila is a Christian blogger and speaker who talks all about sex and marriage. I took her course called Boost Your Libido a while ago after getting it as part of an Ultimate Bundle, and I loved her style. She talks about hard things (hard for me anyway!), and she does so with honesty, candor, and refreshing frankness. Her words are Biblical and powerful.

This email from Sheila promised a course on puberty and sex – a gateway for talking to your daughter about all the things I was scared to talk about. I was so excited and couldn’t wait for more info!

How I Talked to My Tween Daughter about Puberty & Sex

Her course is called The Whole Story. I’ve watched it through, in secret, at the 6:00 am hour while my girls are still asleep. I was excited and eager to get through the introduction so that I could start to pre-watch the videos I’d watch with Grace. I was excited and eager to have someone take both of us by the hand and lead us into these sticky places. I looked forward to having the conversations, but prompted by someone who knows – and is comfortable with – a lot more than I am.

I don’t want to pass my discomfort on to Grace. I don’t want her to have the silly hang-ups that I have. I want her to understand her body as the beautiful wonder that it is, and the inevitable changes that will happen as no big deal.

Perhaps most important of all, I want her to automatically come to me when she wants to try a tampon or when she has a question about boys. I don’t want her to go to a friend like I did because she’s too uncomfortable to talk to her mom. I want her to feel like it’s no big deal to talk to me about her body, her feelings, and boys.

Here’s a little information on The Whole Story in case, like me, you are not feeling equipped to have this conversation on your own.

There are two different versions of The Whole Story – one for girls ages 10-12 and a second for girls ages 13-15. They complement each other and are great to do as a whole, spread across multiple years. You can buy access to just one age level or get the full VIP package for access to both.

Have questions? Leave them in the comments below or send me an email at [email protected]